DRIVE FEAR INTO THE GROUND

Fear and anxiety are inevitable. How you process those feelings makes all the difference. Even I struggle with my own anxieties and fears. Fear is your body and mind trying to protect you from something that can be extremely harmful. However, sometimes the fear or anxiety is geared towards something that could be really good for you. It has a way of shutting yourself down to where your fears control what you know can be healthy and create a better out come of life for you but causes you to steer clear from those things.

I know, in my case, I definitely have some big fears and anxieties. Some of which are very logical and fair based off of experience but other fears are not that way. For instance, the gym. I was terrified when I first walked into a gym. I would get anxiety walking in without knowing anyone and afraid of looking weak or too “not in shape”. I had seen people walking in who were in better shape that I wished I could be in! I mean come on…. how can I, little old A_Jacs, walk in to a place busting with super fit people when I didn’t have a clue how to do most of anything?! That was my anxiety and fear speaking for me.

I used to get knots in my stomach driving to the gym because of the fear that built my anxiety up through the roof into the sky. I hate it because fitness has been one of my passions for some time now. But none the less, I still had that same feeling for almost a year. Let me just say, I might have been “in shape”, however, I didn’t feel that way about myself. Everyone fears something without meaning to. But if it’s not fear, the anxiety can still arise.

Walking into a gym can be stressful. “What will people think of me?”, “Will they judge me for not being in the best of shape?”, or my favorite, “Oh, I’m not going there because there are only little barbies and ken dolls there.”

Alright let me start by saying, your fears could very well be others fears in the gym. Majority people at the gym are worrying about what you think of them or judging them! Well, and if its not that then they are solely focused on their workout! They could care less what you wear, how “in shape” you are and what workouts you are doing! (I’m speaking for me, but Im also speaking for many gym folk I know who are kind and mind their own business.) The answer to the second question one might think, NO ONE CARES! We alllllll started somewhere! No one walks into the gym for the first time chiseled out of their mind unless they had worked out at home or something rather. Either way thats great for them but I know I sure as heck didn’t! Finally…. Here we go… If I ever get called a barbie to my face, I would probably look at them and ask if they were insane. Yes, it may be a complement but to hear “perfect” or “barbie” its like throwing a brick at my face! Not everyone wants to hear that they are perfect. I hear that and my first initial thought is no, no, no, you got that all wrong honey because I’m not. NO ONE is perfect!!!! If you can say that you are, well, God sure as heck did a wonderful thing for you. But in reality we all have flaws or things we wish we could change. It’s human nature. Even though I could go on a whole other rant about this, I’ll spare you all that word blurb for another day.

However, I will say this, insecurities drive fear, which in turn, drives anxiety. Walking into a gym can be terrifying, I felt that. But what if you have the chance to make yourself into who you would like to wake up in the morning one day to be? All I’m saying is this, if there is anxiety and fear in your heart for something that could potentially change your life, wouldn’t it be better to stand up and conquer those feelings and be proud to know you could? If I hadn’t, I never would have come to find Mei Fitness, a home, and another family. I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this post or feel as confident in who I am if I hadn’t told my fears to screw off.

I’ll end with this, if your dealing with those types of fears and anxieties walking into a gym, check out Mei Fitness. I pinky promise you, no one in there will look at you like you don’t belong or make you feel unwelcome. All my time there, I have seen so many people who I now respect and have great appreciation for from watching and talking to them. I have never felt better in a fitness center and I would never want anyone to walk in feeling less than what they truly are.

Take that leap and conquer those fears. You never know what could happen for you if you opened the closed door to your fears. There is a whole world out there. Don’t let your anxiety rule over your life.

 

P.S. all of this is easier said than done. I would know, but as you keep up with what you are doing it becomes something much simpler than fear.

 

 

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How Deep Does Your Ocean Go?

So guys, this post is very personal to me. Very raw. I have a lot of emotions about this and it’s something that several men and women deal with every day. I think this post is something I feel I need to write because it weighs on my heart and ties into my fitness journey a bit.

This post can also tie to men as well but I will speak to the ladies out there because that is the only perspective I know.

Ladies, have you ever felt remotely disappointed in someone coming to you and telling you how hot you are or how perfect you are because it seems that that person only sees your skin? I mean let’s be honest, everyone see’s the skin first and decides if that person is attractive to them. That’s a natural human reaction. However, when someone walks up to you and says “Wow, your body is amazing, you’re so hot.” another natural reaction, is a fleeting moment of pride. But for me it turns into sadness. This is because I want to be seen for my heart. I have a big heart that has been let down more times than I can count. I am careful about who I give my heart to in friendships, significant others, and anyone who walks into my life.

I want to be seen for my heart because looks go away. Beauty and fitness levels go down. However, the heart and soul of a person is a beautiful mess that sticks to someone with deeper levels than the skin. The ocean is a good metaphor in this situation. The ocean is deep, with many levels. Creatures live in the different depths of the ocean. This is similar to the human heart and soul. Creatures live in each level of that heart and soul. Although, to see those parts of a person is like pealing back an onion, you have to get through the pain of that stinging in your eyes to be able to cook it into the meal you are making.

The disappointment I feel when men come to me to say such things might be dramatic for some people to hear me speak in this way. But I can tell you it has brought me down in several situations. Part of this is because I have a deep respect for myself and for others. I have worked for every gain in my muscles and I do not ever take that lightly. I can be hard on myself and criticize everything about my body. Which I have found to be very destructive to myself. It can be difficult to hear a man say how hot you are and how much they want to see you body when you know that is not your top asset. You wish the thing they were seeing was the ocean inside of you. And being asked to see your body is a level of disrespect and disregard to how that woman might react to that request.

The amount of pressure in our generation and society tears us as humans apart in several ways. In a relationship, women throw everything at a man who simply doesn’t appreciate the woman in the way they had been created to be appreciated. Now men this goes for you all as well. Men can be seen for their bodies and not their heart as they wish it could be. It’s an all around the world problem. We are all visual creatures. However, the normality of asking to see something so private when you have very little information of people asking, is unfathomable. I think its hard now a days because trust is hard to come by.

In many ways this connects to my fitness journey/love. One reason being that Mei Fitness has dwindled several anxious thoughts while I’m there. The focus I speak about while in the southport location of Mei is very important to me. Those day
s when I’m thrown off guard by a comment of some sorts I am able to go in and zone out the world around me and lift the weights while music blasting. I can cut out the negative thoughts that had clouded my mind and blow into my workout without being distracted. The negative thoughts drip away in the sweat that comes off my brow with each weight I lift. It’s a relief of all things, never a chore.

Ladies you were never made to “fall in line”. You are precious and worth more than life. I tell you my struggles because it’s something I’ve had to deal with and know there are several more out there that might feel the same. I am deeper than skin and I have an ocean inside of me that I know will be seen by someone special.

 

 

The Journey to Creating Something Bigger than Just a Name.

I used to believe I only wanted a big butt, a flat stomach, and to be better than those around me. Which is true, for the most part. What I’ve found is that, what I truly want is to be better than my old self, to inspire my followers and the people I speak to on the streets. Most importantly, I want to build other women up to show them that they are absolutely stunning in everything they are. I don’t want to compete with the women around me when I already compete with myself. With that said let me explain the name of this blog page, Wolfness.

I came up with it six months ago, after playing around with the idea of building my own personal brand. I had struggled to think of a name for what I had been dreaming to do and once Wolfness came into my mind nothing else spoke to my soul the way it does. The name itself stands for “she-wolf”. Which really is the biggest component to Wolfness but theres more.

There had been an incident that changed my whole way of thinking as I knew it, and put meaning into my dreams. For years I watched women deliberately shame other women, and I was never strong enough to stand up to these bullies. Yes, “bully” is the term I use, which sounds a lot like the typical school bully. But that’s exactly what I’m talking about people! Bullies exist throughout every stage of life.

This life altering incident started on one of the most used social media platforms, Twitter. There was a mean girl, who made a disturbing comment about what women should and shouldn’t post. Her comment was posted deliberately after my best friend had uploaded a cute bikini pic with her puppers by the pool! Sounds cute, right? That was until she had seen the comment posted making it seem as if her uploaded picture was “to slutty”. 

All of us ladies have a radar. You know the one that sends a chill down your spine indicating that something shady is pointing at you? Well this was that feeling for my friend. She confronted the mean girl, asking if there was a problem. To which her response was snarky and defensive, claiming the tweet hadn’t been about my friend.

The story continues on instagram (we all know what this is)… Long story short, the mean girl got information from a private account and blew it into a petty whirl. It ended with my best friends instagram pages going up on the bullies personal account with mean and nasty words in her caption. All in spite of her own insecurities. Let me tell you, this didn’t sit well with me as a best friend. I mean come on, I was already been fed up with all the hate I’d witnessed between women.

I had commented about the stupidity of the drama she had caused and how judgement only hurts oneself. Whether the tweet had been about my best friend or not, it pointed out her own unfriendliness and insecurities. It wasn’t necessary due the the simple fact that what another woman puts on her social media is none of your business. If you don’t like something, scroll past it and/or unfollow that person. You have that freedom! If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all. A saying we have learned from the very beginning. With todays society, I have never found something to be more true. Well, maybe a few more things but in this instance I couldn’t have found a more genuine phrase. Life’s to short to be anything but kind.

You see, us women need to stick together. The slut shaming, using derogatory terms such as ugly, fat, unworthy, and disgusting, along with all the other shit (sorry not sorry) we women put on each other, is so damaging to the victims mental well-being. Seeing first hand how the cruelty between women destroys confidence and causes doubt, is where the idea of Wolfness came about. (turning into Dr. Sues y’all)

When I think of a wolf, I think loyal, strong, beautiful, intelligent, caring, personal power, and instinct. This is how us women should be with one another. We should have a pack mentality, like wolves. Be there for each other and protect each other. We should shower love onto one another in a world that is already so cruel. Having the backs of the women around you and putting positivity into their lives with the extraordinary tools we have in todays society, helps unite women as a whole. Look at the other women all around the world and think of them as your pack.

I’ll close this with my favorite quote by Nikita Gill, “If all girls were taught to love each other fiercely instead of how to compete with each other and hate their own bodies, what a different and beautiful world we would live in.” I challenge all of you ladies out there reading this to be a wolf!